


I've Sworn to Myself That I'm Content (With Loneliness)

by asexualuke



Series: sterek fics inspired by songs?? [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Erica and Boyd are dead in this im so sorry, M/M, barely any background relationships actually, the ending is pretty open/ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualuke/pseuds/asexualuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So Stiles had a YouTube channel.</p><p>Naturally it had gotten Derek curious, he asked sarcastically if his YouTube channel was called "spasticasshole" not his best one but whatever. That had gotten a laugh from Stiles, a wholehearted laugh that threw his head back and exposed the moles on his neck. It had made it a little hard to breathe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Sworn to Myself That I'm Content (With Loneliness)

**Author's Note:**

> You guys probably know what song this is from The Only Exception by Paramore.  
> I'm sorry about Erica and Boyd but it canon even though I loved them with all of my heart. This takes place around the episode where Derek leaves with Cora so from then on is irrelevant in this fic.  
> (this actually kinda sucks i think idk)

So Stiles had a YouTube channel. Eri- one of his betas had mentioned it during a pack meeting, and gushed about how good of a musician Stiles was, while the boy just blushed and grinned sheepishly. Scott had nodded his head vigorously and said Stiles would sing to him often when he was upset about his father leaving.  
  
Naturally it had gotten Derek curious, he asked sarcastically if his YouTube channel was called "spasticasshole" not his best one but whatever. That had gotten a laugh from Stiles, a wholehearted laugh that threw his head back and exposed the moles on his neck. It had made it a little hard to breathe.  
  
He'd noticed the other boy, how could he not? Stiles was constantly hanging around, and was always in his personal space (ok maybe some of that was Derek) but he had been provoked. Nevertheless he'd developed a "crush" on Stiles, which sounded like he was still in highschool but there was no other way to explain it. So, naturally he was going to see if he could actually sing, crush or not.  
  
Turns out "Stiles Stilinski" wasn't taken on YouTube (surprise, surprise) so Derek decided to search it up. This was before Cora, and before Erica and Boyd, before things turned to shit. The most recent one was before Scott was bitten, which he wasn't surprised a lot of Stiles' time was occupied in researching for the pack. The videos had a few thousand hits each, but only a few hundred subscribers. He was a lot like most singers on YouTube: he did a lot of covers, but his voice was like nothing Derek had heard before. It was beautiful, something he wished he'd experienced firsthand. There wasn't a way he could rationally explain it, i was just-beautiful.  
  
In all his videos he used an acoustic guitar that Derek heard him mention in one of his videos, was a gift from his mother. He was a skilled musician that part was true, but he couldn't help but notice none of his videos were ever dedicated to Lydia. There was one for Scott, for his dad, for his mother, and even one for Jackson (he didn't want to talk about that one, it may or may not have been Stiles singing Fuck You by Lily Allen,) but there wasn't a single one for his lifelong crush. Or ex crush whatever she was to him now, it was something Derek didn't understand but he left it alone.  
  
He watched the videos on and off again when he had the chance until Erica had caught him. She crowed about how amazing of a singer Stiles was before walking away muttering something about how she was showing everyone at the next pack meeting. Sure enough, true to her word, everyone was gathered around his laptop watching Stiles sing. Said boy was sat on the couch, beet red with his hands covering his face. It made Derek smile. That was before things went to shit and he forgot about it.  
  
•••  
  
They were leaving, him and Cora. Leaving to get away from the horrid place they used to call home. His pack had lost two members and Isaac wasn't going with them, he would be happier with Scott as his alpha anyways. They were leaving tomorrow, and Derek was thinking about Erica. About how Stiles and her had exchanged "Batman" and "Catwoman" nicknames so easily but never really were that close. About how confident she was after she was turned, and how she learned to smile more. How her and Boyd seemed to be in love before they ran away together. How she died.  
  
Then he thought about Erica's announcement at that pack meeting, and he remembered Stiles. Laptop out he searches his name on YouTube, he's updated after all this time. He clicks on the video, and the camera is fuzzy before focusing and Stiles smiles small at the camera before speaking.  
  
"Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in awhile life has been," he sighs. "Hectic I guess I could say. I just wanted to put this video up for a special someone before it's too late to tell them how I feel."  
  
Derek's mind briefly goes to how Lydia didn't have a video dedicated to her on his channel. He's disappointed to think that this might be the one, but continues to watch anyways.  
  
"It's a Paramore song, my favourite one actually. The Only Exception, you guys probably know it," Stiles laughs briefly. "It's like my own experiences in life, and I've waited to sing this to someone since my mother died."  
  
Everyone knew about Claudia Stilinski's death, his own mother had been friends with her before she died. He'd never seen his mother cry until the news of the woman's death, and watched her leave in all black the day of the funeral.  
  
"I'm going so start singing now before the intro gets too long and you guys shoot me. So, here goes nothing," Stiles takes a deep breath. "Dear Derek Hale."  
  
Derek's breath catches in his throat as Stiles plays the opening notes of the song.  
  
" _When I was younger I saw my daddy cry,_  
_And curse at the wind._  
_He broke his own heart and I watched_  
_As he tried to reassemble it._  
  
_And my momma swore_  
_That she would never let herself forget._  
_And that was the day that I promised_  
_I'd never sing of love if it does not exist._  
  
_But darling,_  
_You are the only exception._ "  
  
God, it made so much sense to him now. Lydia didn't have a video because Stiles knew that he didn't love her the way he always wanted to, the way he promised the song. But apparently he loved Derek enough to finally sing, and the look on Stiles' face is something he wouldn't miss for the world at this moment. The man hears the words " _because none of it was ever worth the risk_ ," sees Stiles shut his eyes, and shuts his own.  
  
Stiles continues to sing in the background, the lyrics continuing to make Derek's eyes burn.  
  
" _I've got a tight grip on reality,_  
_But I can't let go of what's in front of me here._  
_I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up._  
_Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream_."  
  
The song ends shortly after, and Derek is crying. Stiles opens his eyes and shuts off the camera. Derek hits the replay button over and over, each time picking out something new. Like he crack in his voice when he says "lonliness," the slight trip in his fingers at the end because he's shaking so bad, things that tell Derek it's real, and it's not going away.  
  
But he's had no idea, all this time no idea that he felt the same way, and now he's leaving. He considers calling him, telling him that he saw the video and he feels the same way, but he knows that it wouldn't stop him from leaving. So he exits the browser and shuts of his laptop and tries to forget about it.  
  
•••  
  
They're gone for what seems like forever, but Cora eventually goes back to South America and Derek makes his way back to Beacon Hills. For months he listened to Stiles sing for him, he never posted a new video, nor did he text Derek while he was gone. But when he'd seen the first part of town he'd gotten out his phone, pasted the Youtube link with a simple message:  
  
"You are the only exception."

End.


End file.
